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This is an article for grownups—but it begins with a little story about children.
At the beginning of my first career, when I was a new teacher, I thought it was my job to fix the problems my students brought to me.
If I couldn’t solve the problem, I thought, it meant I was failing. Failing the kids, failing their parents, failing myself.
No pressure, right?!
If you are in a relationship, and jealous of that hilarious (and hot! Why does s/he have to be so hot!?) person your partner is talking to…
or if you are single, but feel jealous of those incredibly confident, gorgeous, and put-together people around you…
or if you feel like you’re going crazy with jealousy over someone your ex is dating…
or if you’re starting to think nasty thoughts about that rockstar at work who everyone just loves!…
First of all, that is totally, completely, absolutely normal.
Whether or not they show it outwardly, just about everyone feels jealous at one time or another.
But I know…it sucks.
When it comes to things we can’t control, people often advise us to let go.
When it comes to moving on from an ended relationship or job, we push ourselves to let go.
When it comes to, well, coming, we’re told the secret is to let go!
It seems like the right idea—after all, we want to move on or get past whatever isn’t working, and letting go seems like the only way to do that. Sometimes, though, letting go sounds good in theory, but is near to impossible to achieve in practice.
While your heart is aching, your head is racing.
During a breakup, the same old thoughts tend to run through our heads on a spin cycle.
These thoughts are totally normal and downright predictable in the wake of a breakup, but they can become toxic if they’re allowed to spin too long, and they deliver a relentless diet of guilt, sadness, and regret.
When I work with clients at “breakup ground zero,” I hear these thoughts emerge again and again. If your thoughts are holding you back from moving on, it’s time to stare them in the face and call them what they are: total BS.
Here are some of the most common and compelling toxic breakup thoughts, along with the reasons why it’s time to kick them to the curb.
“Ugh!”
You know that feeling?
The feeling of having a task hanging over you all day? That one to-do that you keep bumping into in your brain—until you do it?
Maybe it’s that tricky email that you need to write…that phone call you’re nervous about making…that pesky errand you don’t want to run.
Now—approximately how many times throughout the day do you imagine doing that task, think, “Ugh!” and move on to something else…only to have it pop up again in your mind?
