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How to Survive an Attack of the Never-Dids

One of the hardest parts of an ending—whether it’s the end of a relationship, a job (or a whole career), or your residence in a home or city—is the knowledge and acceptance that this will have been it.

When you’re going—really going—a particular insidious voice can show up in your head. I call this voice the Never-Dids.

“But I never finished…”

“But I/we never got to…”

“But I haven’t gotten this perfect yet.”

When there’s always a tomorrow in that place, job, or relationship, there’s always a possibility to do better, to complete more, to enjoy or experience more, to perfect and hone.

When tomorrow will find you somewhere new…that’s when the Never-Dids come out to play.


The Tonsillectomy Technique: How to Get over Getting Over It

When I was 27, I had a tonsillectomy. After years of having horrible throat pain and other complications every time I had so much as a flicker of a cold, I finally saw an ENT who suggested I get the nasty things taken out.

He warned me that as procedures go, an adult tonsillectomy is “not pleasant.”

I nearly screamed, “I don’t care! Take them OUT!!!!!”

I was ready to put the years of tonsil torture behind me.

As it happened, in the couple of weeks before my tonsillectomy, I had fallen—hard—for someone I’d started to date.

This was one of those horse-before-the-cart deals; strongly encouraged by the signals I was seeing—and, yeah, okay, probably by some signals I wanted to see—I let myself fall way too fast.


How Bad Do You Want It?

I used to think that people who created certain things—who built businesses, or were on the radio, or wrote books—were fundamentally a certain kind of person.

A kind I certainly wasn’t.

As if there was some sort of predestination involved—and I was not one of those people.

Because who the hell am I to think I could do that?

I always felt I had something inside me to share on a bigger scale, but it seemed downright silly or deluded to even share that feeling with myself—let alone anyone else!

Everyone and their mother thinks they have a book in them, I thought.

But one day, I was in the shower, listening to an interview of a researcher/writer on NPR, feeling a slight twinge of envy, and suddenly, I had a Duh Moment (this is my term for an Aha Moment that seems obvious to the point of idiotic in retrospect):


How to Go on Vacation—Right Now

“I’ve decided that I’m on vacation, indefinitely. And sometimes you have to work on vacation.”

My friend Per made this pronouncement many years ago, during a perfectly normal workweek.

It made me giggle at the time.

Now I think he was onto something.

You know those stretches where your days are so full that the weeks start to run together? Where a minute ago it was March and suddenly it’s May? I’m just coming out of one of those.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. I love what I’m doing and I’m full of gratitude to be doing a lot of it.

That said, last week I hit the point where I felt I could really use a little break.


Instead of a Bucket List, How about a F*ck It List?

By the time you’re in your thirties, you’ve been carrying around a lot of “shoulds” and “somedays” and “by the times” and “when I’ms” for a long time.

There are the promises you made to yourself as a little kid—“When I grow up, I’m going to_______!”

There are the dreams you grew in high school and college.

There are the frameworks you got from your family model of what you should or would emulate someday.

It’s important to hold onto to your dreams, and it’s never too late to go after the ones that are really important to you. When you’ve lost your way, tapping back into your earliest childhood dreams can be profoundly helpful in finding clarity.

But sometimes you outgrow a dream without realizing it, and instead of being fueled by the inspiring energy of the dream, what you carry around with you is the “should have” and the “have to” and the “still haven’t gotten around to” roughage of having this unaccomplished item on your bucket list.

As these bucket list items keep getting added over time, the accumulation can really start to weigh on you.


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